Jimmy Kimmel Shares The Minute-By-Minute Details Of Finding Out ABC Was Taking Him Off The Air

The stage glows. Stephen Colbert turns to the crowd, voice full of admiration:

“Give it up for Louis Cato and ‘The Late Show’ Band, everybody! There you go!”

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He looks at Louis, then back to the audience, a touch of gravity in his words.
“Here’s the thing about doing one of these shows—it’s such a privilege. So few people know what it’s really like to do one of these shows on a nightly basis. The privilege of it, the grind of it. I’m happy to say my first guest tonight knows exactly what it’s like. He’s a very funny comedian, the host of ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live.’ Please welcome back to ‘The Late Show,’ my friend, Jimmy Kimmel!”

The crowd erupts in cheers.

Jimmy enters, exchanging warm greetings with Stephen.
“Thank you for having me. I’m so honored to be here with my fellow no-talent late-night loser. Great to stick together.”

Stephen smiles.
“We are honored because this is the first interview you’ve done since September 17th, when you found out you’d been indefinitely suspended.”

The audience boos. Jimmy nods, recalling the moment.
“It was an emotional roller coaster. You hear that a lot, but it really was. Very strange. Do you want to hear the whole thing?”

Stephen: “Of course. How did you find out?”

Jimmy leans in, telling his story:
“It was about 3:00. We tape our show at 4:30. I’m in my office typing away. I get a phone call from ABC. They say they want to talk to me. This is unusual. As far as I knew, they didn’t even know I was doing a show. So I have five people who work in my office—the only private place to go is the bathroom. So I go into the bathroom. I’m on the phone with ABC executives and they say, ‘Listen, we want to take the temperature down. We’re concerned about what you’re going to say tonight. We’ve decided the best route is to take the show off the air.’”

The crowd boos again.

Jimmy continues,
“That’s what I said—I started booing. I said I don’t think that’s a good idea. They said, ‘Well, we think it’s a good idea.’ And then there was a vote and I lost the vote. So I put my pants back on and walked out to my office. I called in some of the executive producers—about nine people—and said, ‘They’re pulling us off the air.’ My wife said I was whiter than Jim Gaffigan when I came out.”

Stephen: “What’s the first thing that occurred to you?”

Jimmy:
“I thought, ‘That’s it. It’s over. I’m never coming back on the air.’ That’s really what I thought. So we told our staff. Meanwhile, the whole audience is already in their seats, loaded and ready for the show. We had a chef, Christian Petroni, making meatballs and polenta all day. Howard Jones was taping a performance.”

Stephen: “Howard Jones? Like ‘No One Ever Is to Blame,’ that guy?”

Jimmy:
“Yes, but there was someone to blame in this case. Funny you mention that, because the song he did—since we decided to tape it anyway, even though we sent the audience home, in front of our disappointed employees—was ‘Things Can Only Get Better.’ Which you could take two ways.”

Stephen: “Exactly.”

Jimmy:
“So then we sent the audience home. The staff had to go in and pretend to be the audience for Howard Jones. Afterwards, they ate polenta and meatballs.”

Stephen jokes,
“You don’t have jobs, but there’s plenty of wet cornmeal. There you go.”

Jimmy:
“Might as well eat while we still can.”

Stephen: “Put it in your pocket.”

Jimmy:
“I stayed at the show for a couple hours and then went home. I was followed by 20 paparazzi cars—TMZ, people jumping in front of me. Just trying to get to the house. There were two helicopters flying overhead—two helicopters! I didn’t have makeup on, so my bald spot was not painted in. This was something I did not want America to see. We get to the house, shaken. The kids are up. Our daughter, 11, says, ‘I can sell my Labubus.’ Very sweet. Our son just got naked and started running around the house.”

Stephen: “Also lovely.”

Jimmy:
“Then it was like a DUI in L.A.—three days in jail where I couldn’t say anything. I just had to sit quiet and make a lot of phone calls. You were very kind to call me.”

Stephen: “Who was the most unusual person you got a text from? I got some fun ones—my high school girlfriend, James Taylor, George R.R. Martin. He sent me ‘The Winds of Winter.’”

Jimmy:
“That’s nice. I did not have a girlfriend in high school, so I didn’t hear from her. I did hear from a girl I would have liked to have been my girlfriend. I heard from the usual—the Pope.”

Stephen: “Solid guy.”

Jimmy:
“I heard from literally everyone I’ve ever met. The guy who picked me up at the airport in Nashville 15 years ago. A lot of guests on the show. I got a beautiful note from James Taylor. I’d love to compare those.”

Stephen: “Did you really?”

Jimmy:
“I did. I want to see if he did a cut and paste on us.”

Stephen: “Can we get our phones?”

Jimmy:
“I have to say, probably the most beautiful text I got was from James Taylor.”

Stephen: “I got an amazing one too.”

Jimmy:
“I don’t want to get into a competition with you about it.”

Stephen: “We have to take a quick break. We’ll be right back with more Jimmy Kimmel, everybody. Stick around.”