Late-night host Jimmy Kimmel returned from his summer break with a monologue that had it all: Trump jokes, conspiracy theories, and late-night industry drama.

Kimmel opened by poking fun at the surreal nature of Trump’s summer headlines, from paving over the Rose Garden to planning a UFC fight at the White House. “You can’t turn him off. He’s like Ultron. Every day it’s something crazier than the next,” Kimmel quipped before listing off some of the most bizarre presidential antics.

The comedian also addressed the weekend’s viral rumor that Donald Trump had died after being absent from cameras for just a few days. “That’s how much he’s in front of a camera—when we don’t see him, we assume he must be dead,” Kimmel joked, adding that Trump’s mysterious hand bruises sparked more speculation than the Epstein cover-up.

But the biggest late-night bombshell of the summer wasn’t Trump—it was Stephen Colbert’s abrupt cancellation at CBS. The network claimed The Late Show was losing $40 million a year, but Kimmel implied there was more at play, noting Trump’s glee in calling for late-night hosts to be “swept away” as “untalented.” Kimmel fired back: “You delicate chubby little teacup. You want us canceled because we make jokes about you? I thought you were against cancel culture.”

Adding to the drama, right-wing outlets also seized on Kimmel’s dual Italian citizenship, spinning it as an “escape plan” from America. Kimmel laughed it off: “I’m not moving to Italy. This is my country. If anything, I’d move into Mar-a-Lago just to drive him insane.”

Kimmel closed with gratitude for the guest hosts who filled in over the summer, joking that their “rock bottom” was being tricked into doing his job.

With Colbert out and Trump’s chaotic presence looming larger than ever, Kimmel seems ready to double down on his trademark mix of political satire and late-night absurdity—whether MAGA likes it or not.